The "Bad Drink"

When I was sixteen my mother received a call from my little sister Katey’s Primary teacher, Sister Wood. Katey, only five at the time, had divulged some interesting information during Primary and it had caused her a great deal of concern. In Sunday their lesson was on the Word of Wisdom. They came to the point where they started talking about “bad drinks,” at which point Katey helpfully piped up,

“My sister Crystal drinks bad drinks all the time. Sometimes she tries to get us to drink it too.”

Sister Wood was shocked. Could this be true? If it was, parents had to be notified right away. Not only was I drinking, I was offering it to a five year old. It couldn’t really get much worse than that.

My mom, however, wasn’t as quick to believe the story, but the fact that it had been brought up at all suggested that some further investigation was needed. The first witness called to the stand: the accuser, Katey.

“Did you tell Sister Wood that Crystal was drinking a ‘bad drink?’”

“Yes,” said Katey. “And she tried to get me to drink some, too.”

“What was it that she tried to get you to drink?”

“Pepsi,” Katey said simply. “She was drinking caffANE.” (This was how the triplets pronounced the ingredient that they had been warned against. I find it interesting that it sounds alarmingly like the word ‘profane.’ To them, it was!) “She asked me if I wanted to try it when we told her she shouldn’t be drinking it.”

Now, the truth of the matter had come out, and Katey wasn’t lying. A few days earlier somebody had loaded the vending machine wrong and when I hit the button for Sprite, a Pepsi came out. I was a little disgruntled at first—if I was going to be drinking caffeine, Coke would have been my first choice—but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I still had plenty left over when I came home from school, when the triplets spied the half-empty bottle in my stuff.

“You shouldn’t be drinking that,” a chorus of well-trained voices sounded. “It has caffANE!”

To be funny--and to hear three squealed protests--I waved the bottle in front of them and said, "Do you want some? C'mon, you should try it, it's goooo-ooood!"

Maybe I shouldn't have teased them, but it was funny how well my parents "no caffeine" rule had sunk in, even at five years old. I should consider myself lucky. Should this tidbit of juicy misinformation have gotten into less kind hands, I may have earned myself quite the reputation. Because I drink "bad drinks" everyday. All the time. Just not that kind.